The past month or two have been some of the most difficult that we have faced since coming to Mongolia. The enemy seems to be working overtime to get us to quit - or at the very least to sink us in a mire of discouragement and despair. I feel that we have been battered on the rocks and are having to really make a conscious effort to place our hope and our trust in Christ. Relationships have been under fire and I fear that some have been forever tainted.

These kinds of attacks have me thinking a lot about my relationships and, specifically, the kinds of relationships I would like to be in for my own spiritual health and well being. Obviously friendships come at many different levels. I married the best friend I've ever known - and frankly I am happy that I share my journey through this life with her. In one year we will have been walking this road for twenty years together. I am really grateful for her friendship, companionship and love. It's a constant. It's a covenant.  Our friendship with each other has been the  one stabilizing factor over the past two years (and really for the better part of 20 years).

In spite of this, we have both felt the reality and the loneliness of friendlessness, which has given way to a lot of thought about what a real friendship should look like.

A few years ago I did some research about a concept in ancient Celtic Christian spirituality called 'anam chara'. No, this is not a Mongolian word. It is actually a Gaelic word. The Mongolian word for this would be something like 'setgliin naits'. The best English translation is probably 'soul friend'.

I will not get into the different ideas of what a 'soul friend'? looks like in the modern era. There are several books written on the subject - some better than others. Some writers say that in ancient times this was like a modern mentor/mentee relationship. Some say it's more like a coach. Some put it into the same category as a spiritual director. I personally think it can be something of all these things ... and more.

The relational rough waters and friendlessness over the past months (and even two years) has me thinking a lot about what a “Soul Friend� relationship should look like. In fact, this summer (July 1-4), I will be teaching some of this at the CAMA Mongolia church leadership camp. So it is good to begin thinking through now.

1. Mutual. Many writers say that the idea of soul friendship is not one of mutual friendship. It's more of finding someone who is older, smarter and wiser than you and connecting with them and being open, available and vulnerable. Your soul friend would then have no obligation to be such with you. I don't agree with that perspective. I take the side of those who argue that it is a relationship of mutuality. Mutual submission. Mutual vulnerability. Mutual availability. I know that there may or may not be historical evidence of this (I think that there may be, but I will let those better versed in ancient Celtic church history duke that out somewhere else). In this day and age, my personal vision for this is one of mutuality. In other words, the idea of a soul friendship is the idea of a 'two way street'?.

2. Trust. I don't think this can be overemphasized. Soul friendship is a relationship that is based on trust. One of the key elements of a soul friendship (at least as I understand it) is vulnerability. The exposed soul is vulnerable and unprotected. The soul friend is someone who will handle the soul with care and point the heart back to God. A friend like this will not take advantage or use vulnerability as leverage for his or her own purposes later. Trust in a relationship also has to do with the ability to truthfully expose issues in one another's life (the things we know are there, but are blinded to), but to do it in a way that will build the relationship and not tear it down. I have to know that this friend is not going to ditch me once he knows my rough spots and I am exposed for what's really there. Trust is huge. It's also very difficult to find.

3. Confession. The soul friendship is the place where the spiritual discipline of confession should regularly take place. This was a big difference between the Roman Church and the Celtic church. Confession was not something that was done solely with clergy. The doctrine of the priesthood of the believers was alive and well in fifth and sixth century Ireland. Your 'confessor' was your soul friend. Evangelicals have relegated 'confession' to a Roman Catholic rite, and not something important enough to fit into our religious practice. I believe that is one of the reasons for modern evangelical superficiality and silliness. Contemporary evangelical spirituality would look quite different if we actually practiced the spiritual discipline of confession. Not with a priest, but rather with a soul friend.

4. Life-long traveling companions. Much like the culture we are in midst of now, the ancient Celts were nomadic by nature. (I am finding there to be many similarities between ancient Celtic culture and Mongolian culture. Perhaps someday I will post those similarities in article form.) The idea of a soul friend was that of 'traveling companion'. It was someone who would be with you on your spiritual journey until the end, and you crossed into the 'better city'. The soul friend is someone who is to be trusted throughout a whole lifetime. You are, in essence, traveling companions. I love this idea.

I personally love this idea. However, it is not something that we have experienced to any kind of fullness. So far in my life relationships have taken on a more disconnected character, and tend to be relegated to location. I hope that at some point in the relatively short time I have left on this earthly journey, we have the privilege and opportunity to walk in this kind of relationship with another fellow traveler.